I was asked many times before by many if I really don't do. And I have always had clear and confident answers. However, it is not the same anymore. I don’t know if I do. May be I don’t or maybe I do. But if I have to stress myself harder for an answer then I think I might say, "I do". But the worst part is I am not doing anything and do not know if I have to do something about it. I feel paralyzed (:(). I feel luckless (:(). I feel deep pain inside me. (:()
There is a lot of rush inside me pushing me to think over and over again, over the matters I have never cared or let’s say, thought, before.
"not at all a good idea to do"
"look around, things have already fallen apart, need no more stretch"
"I am not the one who is lucky"
"the lucky may be the better or the best"
"I do not deserve"
-ve-ve-ve
-ve-ve-ve
My heart which is also at work whispering to the inner me:
"why not do?"
"try one time?"
"just do it, everything is going to be fine"
"focus on doing and not outcomes"
"I can be the lucky one?"
+ve+ve+ve
+ve+ve+ve
Now, the quest for a better way out of the dilemma between the shouting-conscious-mind and the whispering-heart is beginning to make the inner me weaker, frustrated and not-so-me that I am. It just happened that today the dilemma power was so intense I could not hold my calm and did something I would not have done in my lifetime, which is, to break someone’s heart. I hope there is an end to everything that started. And I hope it will be happy endings for all.
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